Toon Physics, Looney Laws, Mutant Mayhem
by RogueFanKC
Summary: Set in Red Witch's Misfitverse! A oneshot on how certain looney laws will always apply to one's life, especially if you're a mutant! Read and enjoy the hilarity and various cartoon references!


**Author's Notes: I do not own the characters from X-Men: Evolution, Benny Barumpbump, or Jake Clawson from "SWAT Kats: the Radical Squadron". They are the sole properties of Marvel comics and Hanna-Barbera. Any reference to Looney Tunes, cartoon physics and cartoon characters are the property of Warner Bros. Studios and Mel Blanc, and the Misfit-verse is property of brilliant authoress, Red Witch (thanks RW!). I am not here to make any money off this fanfic and I have credited everyone I can think of, so please for the love of God, don't sue me! Anyway, I was researching off the Internet and I stumbled on this list of "toon physics" and it was really funny! And then I got an idea regarding to the X-Men…(grins)**

**X-Men: Oh no…**

**Toon Physics, Looney Laws, Mutant Mayhem**

"Kurt, what are you doing?" Jean asked as she and Scott were in the library on the upper floor, preparing the worksheets for their material they were going to introduce in their physics classes next week. The only person with them in the entire room was Kurt using Kitty's laptop that he had borrowed with her permission, and every now and then, he was chuckling audibly and causing a bit of a disturbance for the two young instructors of the X-Mansion.

Right now, the blue-furred mutant was giggling so hard, he was holding his sides as he wiped his eyes and finally answered, "I was reading up on some laws for cartoon physics, and they're really a hoot! You have to look at these things! It's really hilarious!"

"_Cartoon_ physics?" echoed Jean before rolling her eyes in annoyed exasperation at something so childish, "Kurt, I know I will regret asking this, but what exactly are cartoon physics and why is it even such a big deal?"

"Well, you know how in the realm of cartoons, there are certain things that always happen that are usually impossible in our world, and apparently, there's a list I found while surfing called the laws of cartoon physics. And it lists a lot of stuff I think might be helpful for you to put in for you class next week! It could really make things interesting!"

Scott fought not to chuckle at the offer as he said, "Kurt, our classes are focused in on factual stuff, theories and principles that have been soundly researched and studied in real life by brilliant and respective scientists. I think teaching the New Mutants **actual** physics is a lot more important and gratifying than teaching them something slap-stick. And besides, we don't need to make things interesting. The New Mutants enjoy our classes enough."

Kurt raised an eyebrow sardonically as he drawled, "Then why did I hear Jean screaming when I passed by in the hallways last Friday, with her threatening to chain everyone to their desks and use a cattle-prod if she caught Sam and Roberto playing on the Game Boys one more time and when Scott was beaned with the spitwads by Amara and Tabitha?"

"Hey, **that** one was taken out of context!" Jean protested, her face turning red, "And besides, who wouldn't lose their sanity after teaching classes with the New Mutants every day? Beast has already started his binging on alcohol and Twinkies, Ororo now needs a wig to cover all the bald spots where she tore out her hair out of her head with her own hands, the Professor already made seven dents on the wall and on his desk from banging his head against it during his migraines, and it's best to not mention how Logan wants to cope."

"Funny how Jake isn't following suit. If I recall correctly, didn't the New Mutants personally beg the Professor to shorten the times spent on their other classes with _you_ guys so that he could extend the time spent in _Razor's_ classes? In fact, Jake's classes are full even **after** the bell had rung, especially with everyone begging Jake for extra projects to work on."

"Shut up, Kurt," Jean huffed. It was the best thing she could think up of in response.

Scott decided to gracefully change the subject as he leaned over to Kurt's computer screen and asked just to humor his friend's insistence, "So, just out of curiosity, what makes you think these cartoon physics will be so important for us to teach?"

Kurt smiled as he highlighted some of the entries with his mouse while Jean, now interested, leaned over the German mutant's shoulder. Kurt replied, "Because it's really amazing…and scary, how much these could actually apply to **our** lives! I mean, this stuff is literally word for word for our situations as the X-Men!"

"Oh, give me a break, Kurt. You've got to be kidding me," Jean griped good-naturedly.

"No! Really! I'm serious! Listen to this…" Kurt carried on convincingly as he began to list them out aloud.

"Cartoon law number one: once suspended in space, gravity will not take effect on a person until he or she is aware of the situation."

"Oh, give me a break, Kurt!" Jean emphasized again, "The theory of gravity is a unanimous force proven and declared fact for hundreds of years! When will there ever be a case when we can just simply walk on air?"

"Wah-hoooooooooooooo!" hollered Sam, cheering, as he flew past their windows with his gravitational powers, rocketing around and around the mansion like a jet-powered racehorse around the track. Kurt and Scott, after seeing this, gave Jean a dry look.

"I mean, anyone who's not a mutant and can willfully levitate and fly," Jean added hurriedly, but still adamant.

Kurt then turned to the computer screen and recited the next item on the list, "Cartoon law number two: any body in motion will tend to remain in motion indefinitely until solid matter intervenes suddenly."

"AAAAAA - !" hollered Sam loudly from the outside right before he met the wall.

WHUMP! _Crash!_

Jean and Scott eyed the hole in the library wall that Sam made, wearily and with a bit of irritated fatigue, as a dusty Sam with bits of plaster stuck in his hair woozily propped himself into a sitting position and held a hand to his head.

"I'm all right…" he murmured in a shaky, high-pitched voice, drunk with pain and disoriented.

"I'll call the contractors tomorrow…" sighed Scott as Kurt continued with the next fact.

"Cartoon law number three: any body passing through solid matter will leave a perforation shaped exactly like the body that crashes through it, also leaving a perfect silhouette-shaped hole."

Jean turned to the aperture Sam made earlier as the country farm-boy managed to wobble his way out of the splintered bookshelves and overturned books. The hole was exactly in the shape of a human body, contorted exactly to Cannonball's proportions. Just like the cartoon classic gag had quoted.

"I'm still not buying this yet, Kurt. It's just a coincidence," Jean replied with one hand on her hip.

"Cartoon law number four: the time required for an object to fall twenty stories is greater than or equal to the time it takes for whoever knocked it off the ledge to spiral down twenty flights to capture it unbroken."

"Why is it I suddenly had a fleeting image of Quicksilver cackling maniacally when I heard this one?" groaned Scott.

"You know, I almost forgot about that possibility," admitted Jean right before Remy rushed into the library and slammed the door behind him before locking it in a paranoid state, as if he was a dead man on the run.

"What's with you?" Scott asked, confused.

"Remy hiding from _chere_!" Remy gasped, panting from his sprint as he leaned against the door, near at a faint, sweat beading his brow and matting his bangs. There was no question about it; he was overwrought with fear.

"What did you do **this** time?" Jean asked in a suspicious voice as she crossly folded her arms over her chest.

"Remy'll plead the fifth until we can get a new toilet seat," the Cajun mutant gulped.

"AUGH! It itches worse than poison ivy!" they heard Rogue screaming loudly enough to wake the dead.

"Think how much Remy loves _Chere_," Remy muttered to himself in a mantra, nearly babbling, "think how much _Chere_ loves Remy, think about _Chere_ forgiving Remy if he make it look good, think how much _Chere_ would want Remy to still be alive to keep her company for all her lonely nights…"

"Cartoon law number five: all principles of gravity are negated by fear," Kurt read off the screen, unmindful of the hole Gambit had dug himself into, yet at that moment, he was harshly interrupted by another hoarse scream.

"Swamp rat, when I find ya', you're dead, ya' hear me? **DEAD!**" they heard Rogue screaming loudly enough to shake the mansion's foundation. As if on cue, Scott and Jean saw Remy jump up five feet in the air from fright before coming to an absolute decision for his survival.

"Screw it! Remy's makin' a run for the border!" and with that, the Cajun mutant opened the nearest window before jumping off the second story and landing a bit heavily…

WHUMP!

"Owwww…" moaned Hank with Gambit lying on top of him.

"Thanks for breaking Remy's fall, _monsieur_," Remy blurted out in desperate thanks as he dashed off for sanctuary.

"I would _like_ to say it was distinctly my pleasure if your fall didn't happen to break **me** as well, Mr. LeBeau…ow, my chest…" Hank groaned again, swearing that the heavy young man broke his spine along with his ribs.

Scott raised an eyebrow before turning to Kurt, saying, "You know, you might be on to something, Kurt with these cartoon physics."

"Scott!" protested Jean with her hands on her hips in disgrace, "You can't possibly mean to say you think that **this** is actually noteworthy of education! I'll concede we've seen it apply in a few weird cases, Kurt, but it's all coincidences!"

"Wait until we reach the end, _die Freundin_," Kurt smirked without fail and defeat as he recited some more.

"Cartoon law number six: as speed increases, objects can be in several places at once. This is especially true during tooth-and-claw fights within the dust-cloud of altercation, or when characters reach high, maniac speeds."

There was a short pause after that statement, and Jean has a smug smirk on her face as she waved her hands out in the air in an exaggerated manner, as if she was expecting proof to suddenly appear.

"Well? I'm waiting for something to convince me," Jean said in a mock impatient voice.

"I got you now, you little pack-rat!" they heard Ray snarl in the hallways, and all three of the X-Men turned to the door to see Ray trying to wrestle a squirming Jamie to the ground while pounding him. Jamie then stopped screaming bloody murder when Ray pinned him down to the ground by his shoulders, but then the adolescent multiplied into six other clones, and surrounding the older and stronger X-Man, they all set upon him in a dog-pile, and to Jean and Scott's amazement, all eight of the teenagers were lost in a flurry of hands, heads, feet and yells.

"Get off me, you little spores!"

"Let go of my clone's neck, then, Ray!"

"I will when you give me back my camera!"

"So that you can hide the pictures of you posing in your underwear you took yourself? Hee hee – ACK!"

"Die, die, die!" Ray screamed as he wrapped the talking dupe's neck in a chokehold.

Jean pursued her lips in deep thought as she and Scott turned back to Kurt.

The blue mutant then said, "Cartoon law number seven: certain bodies may pass through solid walls to resemble tunnel entrances or tunnel-entrances that have been painted on, others cannot, especially during a chase scene."

"**That** one I remember," Jean said, "After watching Bugs Bunny with my grandfather for five years, I've seen enough of that gimmick to have it imprinted scenario by scenario in my brain. But still, even if someone DID paint a tunnel in one of the walls, it goes to show none of it applies in reality. There isn't one of us that can walk through - "

"Like, hey you guys! What's up?" Kitty asked eagerly as she phased up from the floor in front of Kurt and Scott. Jean gave her an odd, commiserating look before rolling her eyes to heaven and moaned.

"Do you enjoy proving me wrong every time or what? Is there some sort of cosmic, sick sense of humor in enjoying watching me fall flat on my face?" Jean asked to no one in particular at the ceiling. Kurt was just guffawing at the good timing.

Scott answered, "Kurt's trying to convince us to make a mention about the laws of physics in cartoons in our next physics lecture, and right now, he was showing us how it's important for us to know this stuff because it actually has some basis in our lives."

"Oh, like wow! Like what?" Kitty asked as she leaned over Kurt's shoulder in interest.

"Well, here's one. Cartoon law number eight: cartoon cats possess even more deaths than their nine lives can even possibly afford. Any violent rearrangement of feline matter is impermanent."

"Oh, like that's totally silly," scoffed Kitty, rolling her eyes, "Like, how does that possibly prove true with us?"

Suddenly, Jake stuck his head into the doorway before spotting Kitty along with Jean, Scott, and Kurt at the computer. He smiled as he said, "Hey, Kitty, there you are. Did you forget what time it is? It's time for me to take you driving practice, and today's your turn to use the car."

"Oh, like, wow! I totally forgot! Yay! Thanks for reminding me! I was totally bored today!" Kitty squealed excitedly in anticipation. Jean, Scott, and Kurt made wincing faces at each other that said somewhere along of the borderline of pitying Jake or wondering if he had permanent brain damage.

"Like, do you want to grab something to drink for the road? I'm gonna bring like some Evian. So do you want to get something too, Jake? Like Gatorade or a soda?"

"Yeah, might as well. I'll take one of the beers in the fridge."

"But, the beers in the fridge belong to Mr. Logan," Kitty said hesitantly as she and Jake left the room. Jake then cracked a **very** evil grin.

"I know…" he purred.

"You know, if _that_ doesn't spell out 'death wish', I don't know what does," Scott remarked, still in disbelief. Kurt then highlighted the next law, scrolling down the screen.

"Cartoon law number ten: for every vengeance, there is an opposite re-vengeance."

"AAAAAAAAA!" screamed Bobby as he ran past the main entrance to the library, allowing Jean, Scott, and Kurt to look up and catch a fleeting glace at the ice-generating mutant running for his life down the hallways as Amara and Tabitha were chasing him, throwing a dangerous and volatile mixture of plasma-bombs and fireballs, causing a series of noticeable explosions to rock the mansion. And Jean was also quick to note that both of the girls' hairs were now in the color of neon-green and their mud-masks were now permanently stuck to their faces.

"Another one of Bobby's pranks…" she murmured out loud as an explanation as she massaged her forehead with one hand in order to stop the approaching headache.

"Get back here, Bobby!" Amara screamed, "Don't think you won't pay for this with every drop of blood that we beat out of your mangled corpse!"

"Think the food-coloring in our shampoo bottles and the rubber-cement in our facial creams is funny, Ice-Cube? We'll show you funny when we turn you into a pancake, slush-boy!" Tabitha shrieked in rage.

Kurt then continued, "Cartoon law number twelve: the laws of object permanence are nullified for "cool" or "cute" characters. In addition to this, you will never see a cute or cool character die, while the reverse is complementarily true for the non-cool or annoying characters."

"Why won't you die?" screamed Ray as he chased a hooting Jamie through the hallways with his glovatrix, shooting pointed metal shafts with a crossbow attachment atop.

"Ha ha! Can't catch me! And my blind grandma can shoot better than you!" Jamie crowed as he narrowly dodged the arrows flying over his head. Jean then heard Bobby screaming in pain from another part of the X-Mansion…

**KABOOOOOOM!**

…before the explosion cut his holler for help abruptly short. Amara and Tabitha must have satisfied their revenge.

"Cartoon law number thirteen: explosions cannot cause fatal injuries; they can only turn characters temporarily smoky and black."

Bobby stumbled into the room, actually limping his way in, now completely covered with blackened soot, dark bruises and second-degree burns, his clothes charred and frayed, and the only spots on his body that weren't ashy were the whites of his eyes.

"Mommy…" Booby whimpered before he passed out on the floor. Jean, Scott, and Kurt just simply ignored him as they continued.

"Cartoon law number fifteen: dynamite is generated in 'C-spaces' where, inexplicably, any important character will easily be able to find large quantities of said explosive and use to his or her advantage along with all cartoon laws and amendments pertaining to the situation. In other words, there can be dynamite around for absolutely no other reason than being conveniently there."

"Hit the deck!" yelled Roberto from downstairs of the east wing of the mansion.

**KAAA-BBOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMM!**

The entire X-Mansion actually rocked from that explosion, and it took the three teenagers a few moments to regain their hearing along with their bearings before they heard Ororo screaming upstairs.

"_My plants!_"

Forge was then heard gulping as he offered in a weak voice, "Oh…uh…I guess I should have told you I ran out of space in my lab, so I stored the rest of my dynamite in your greenhouse room, Ororo. Uh…heh heh…well, on the upside…no one got hurt from my dynamite exploding."

**_Crack! Kaboom!_** Jean and Scott could honestly say they weren't caught off-guard at the sudden appearance of lightning and thunder outside as they saw Ororo dash after Forge in the hallway with a shovel.

"Oh, someone's **about** to get hurt! Come back here, Forge!" Ororo was heard yelling in rage.

"Can someone even explain to me **why** Forge has dynamite stored in the mansion?" Scott sighed, biting back the urge to moan.

"No, and what's even scarier is that this basically points out Kurt's last law," Jean said, deadpanned.

"Cartoon law number sixteen: if a tree falls down on a character, it results is a partially elastic collision, repeatedly bouncing off their head until they are driven into the ground."

"Get this tree off of me!" yelled Piotr from outside. Scott looked through the window to see that the Russian mutant, transformed into his metal-form to avoid being crushed, could not escape being hammered directly into the sodden earth where he stood, being driven downwards like a sledgehammer hitting the top of a wooden peg.

"How'd you even get this tree to fall on you in the first place, Pete?" Sam asked as he slowly began to throw his weight on the tree to push it off Piotr's head.

"Lightning struck it, that's why!" Kurt then proceeded on.

"Cartoon law number seventeen: it is possible for fire to spread by being temporarily animate."

There was a small pause before Kurt, Scott, and Jean looked at each other with the same conclusion in mind.

"Pyro," they all murmured flatly in unison.

"You know, you were right, Kurt. This **is** scary to see," Scott said.

"Cartoon law number twenty-one: firearms are relatively ineffective weapons, and sticking your finger into the gun, no matter what size, will cause it to malfunction."

_Boom!_

"I gotta thank Tabby for that mini-cherry bomb!" Jamie cackled as he ran past the doorway as Ray was howling with rage in the other room, stunned with personal loss.

"My glovatrix! **You blew up my glovatrix!**"

"Cartoon law number twenty-six: holes are moveable."

"OK, now **that** one's just plain - " Scott began, but before he could even finish the sentence, with a flash, a noticeable large purple vortex emerged in the middle of the library directly in front of the three X-Men before they even had time to yelp. Jumping out of it in a panic was Dr. Strange's magical apprentice, Benny Barumpbump.

"Benny?" Jean asked incredulously. Even though Benny was a friend, his past associations with the X-Men had been less than pleasant, especially when he tried to find the three fairies who were hiding out in the X-Mansion while the Professor was being visited by the representatives of the education board. Or the time when Benny accidentally rewired the Danger Room to have Groucho, the Three Stooges, Abbot and Costello, and clowns appear to attack the X-Men. And it was best not to recall the time when Benny accidentally turned the Professor into a penguin. **(See Author's notes)**

"No time! Running! Big trouble!" gasped the spectacled-magician as he grabbed the very edge of the portal as if it was a tangible metal disk and started pulling it, dragging in a frenzied, whimpering panic before he succeeded in moving it and placing it directly in front of one of the windows of the library. A split second later, Kurt, Jean and Scott yelped in surprise as they saw a red-bearded, whiskered cowboy as short as Jamie pop out, hollering and shooting his pistols followed by a bratty, buck-toothed boy with short-brown hair and a pug-face only a mother could love wielding a bazooka and a bald, simpleton-looking doofus in a hunter's outfit and carrying a rifle. All three of them had rushed out off the portal (and were no doubt chasing Benny in order to give him a painful beat-down)…only to find out that they inadvertently ran out of the portal and through the window into thin air. Benny moved the hole so that when they stepped out of the vortex, they would run straight off the ledge of the windowsill. And the library was on the second story of the mansion. They looked at each other with classic, wide-eyed, stupefied faces before all three of them plummeted down only to crash to the ground (and fountain) below.

"You no-good, dog-blasted, 'ornery, lousy, no-account, pointy-hat varmint!" yelled the cowboy in rage while sputtering out of the water.

"You can't do this to me! I'm Montana Max! I'll sue, you hear me, Barumpbump? **_I'll SUE!_**" howled the boy.

"Ooooh, you wascawwy, skoowey magician, you!" raged the hunter, shaking his water-logged fist at the window to the library.

Kurt's eye was twitching with disbelief as he sputtered, "_Mein Gott!_ Are those people who I _think_ they were? And for that matter, _how_ in the heck did you manage to get **those** three to chase after you?"

"It's a long story," groaned Benny as he twitched his wand nervously in his hands, "Let's just say it involved a blond-haired nurse kicking Dr. Strange in his 'personal' cauldron, three kids named Yakko, Wakko, and Dot, some anvils, a steamroller, Montana Max's nude-baby pictures scanned on the Internet, a angry herd of elephants, a catfight between Slappy Squirrel and Witch Hazel, and a botched magic-spell that accidentally declared all rabbit-seasons to be rendered null and void and illegal forever."

"And you two thought we would learn nothing from cartoons…" Kurt said as he gave Jean and Scott a smug look.

"Shouldn't we help them? What if they're hurt?" Scott asked hesitantly as he indicated his head towards the broken window where Benny's pursuers crashed out of.

Nervously, Benny then flicked his wand outside the window, and out of thin air, a piano materialized with a _crack_…right before it plummeted directly on top of the three caricatures on the ground.

**Crash!**

"OOWWWWWWWWWWCCCCCCCCCCCCCHHHHH!" all three of them hollered.

"Well, if they weren't before…they are now," quipped Jean.

"Just help me out!" whimpered Benny, actually begging with his hands in front of him in a pleading manner, "When those three stopped hearing singing birds and seeing stars, tell them I was never here! Tell them I left! Tell them that hitched a ride on a one-way freight to the Warner Brothers studios in Burbank! Tell them anything! Just let me hide out here in the X-Mansion until things blow over with Dr. Strange and the idiot-brigade! Puh-llllllleeeeeaaaaassssssseeeeeee?"

"OK, OK, you can hide out here until things are safe. Just stop kissing my feet!" yelled Scott in exasperation, giving in to the urge to do anything to stop the magician's annoying, puppy-eyed supplicating.

"Thank you, thank you, thank you…" groveled Benny with extreme and pathetic gratitude as he then started searching through his knapsack slung over his shoulder, adding, "Just let me get my sleeping bag and toothbrush so that I can camp out on the couch in the den…I promise it'll be no trouble!"

"Cartoon law number thirty: any bag, sack, or purse possessed by a cool character is a tesseract in that any number of objects of any size may be placed in it or removed with no change in its outer dimensions."

"I know it's here somewhere…" Benny murmured to himself absent-mindedly, lost in his thoughts as he took out from his bag an alarm clock, a tennis racket, a tall, elegant hat-stand, a vase full of red roses, a piano bench, a broom, an old-fashioned iron-clad stove, a frying pan, a bathtub, a gigantic bookshelf full of textbooks from "ACME Looniversity"…

"**THAT** doesn't count!" Jean protested, pointing at Benny as he walked out of the library, "He's a magician, not a mutant, so of course he'd be as loony as any absurd cartoon law!"

"OK, OK, I'll let that one slide, but you can't deny it, dear Jean, that I'm winning this argument…" Kurt smiled, wiggling his eyebrows suggestively in a braggart manner.

"Oh shut up and read this next law," grumbled Jean.

"Cartoon law number thirty-three: movements are accompanied by funny sound effects."

ZOO-OOOOOOP!

_Poof!_

"Barumpbump!" roared Logan in rage.

"Eeep!" they could hear the goofy, incompetent apprentice gulped in panic and dread before they saw him dash off with Logan with his claws drawn out in close and dangerous pursuit. Then to the three students' complete, startled astonishment and wonder, a skinny gray and white skinny rabbit in a suit and in the Professor's wheelchair angrily wheeled in view with enormous buck-teeth, whiskers, and huge cartoon-like eyed narrowed in impatient frustration. To tell the truth, it was an exact doppelganger of Bugs Bunny in Charles Xavier's attire.

"Professor?" gaped Scott while Jean and Kurt had to make a huge effort to not laugh in Xavier's face, and they both bit their lips, making soft snorts.

"Yes, it's me, Scott!" snapped the rabbit in Xavier's voice as he explained in a tense voice, "One of Benny's spells backfired on me…**again**! Now who knows how long I'll be stuck like this!"

There was a minute of uncomfortable silence until Kurt and Jean just couldn't resist any longer.

"So…what's up, Doc?" Kurt giggled with a hackneyed American accent.

"Do you want a carrot to tide you over?" Jean snickered.

The Professor just gave all three of them a glare of loathing as he grumbled under his breath and wheeled away while Scott, Jean, and Kurt broke into peals of uncontrollable mirth.

"Cartoon law number thirty-four," gasped Kurt, chuckling after he regained his breath after he finished with his laughing fit, "all material, tools, weapons or mechanical conveniences must be obtained from the ACME Corporation."

"**_Get back here, you lousy, good-for-nothing, slime-dwelling Cajun stinker!_**" Rogue was heard screaming, and when all three of the X-Men looked out of the window, they saw the Southern belle chasing a terrified Gambit who was running for his life, dashing in and out through the garden. And Rogue was trying to pound her boyfriend with a mallet labeled with a huge, red and white sticker on its head spelling out "ACME".

"Cartoon law number thirty-five: known as the 'vehicle uncertainty principle', a vehicle traveling along a straight path which extends to the horizon interrupted remains in a state of indeterminacy until its waveform is collapsed by a villain entering the road. This causes the vehicle to coalesce into an observable form at that location, maintaining a high velocity."

"Huh?" Jean was lost after the middle of the first sentence. Kurt turned back to the red-head and grinned.

"To sum it up, it doesn't matter if Wile E. Coyote looks both ways and sees nothing. The second he steps into the road, he gets run over."

"Kurt…you know that's not a given," Scott scoffed lightly, "I mean, who would be foolhardy enough to run into the street without looking both ways first, and while we're on the same topic, there isn't anyone who drives a car that brazenly enough to just run over someone faster than the eye can blink and -"

_Sccccrrrrrrrrrrrreeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeccccccccchhhhhhhhhh!_

BAM!

"Whoa, Kitty, you nailed him!" they could hear Roberto gasp outside, and curious, Jean, Scott, and Kurt peered out to window to see to their horror (and partly to their humor), Logan in the middle of the road in front of the mansion with the front end of the car Jake and Kitty were driving partially lying on top of him in a very painful manner. Kitty, in her driving practice, had accidentally run over Logan while he was chasing Benny across the street.

"Owwww…" moaned Logan underneath the running car-motor.

Amara remarked casually, "You know, I always said Kitty would eventually kill someone with her driving skills. This comes close enough."

"Wow, good thing the car didn't hit me!" sighed Benny with relief before he ran back to the mansion for safety.

"I'll be sure to make you eat that statement later, Barumpbump," they could hear Logan's voice growl murderously underneath the car while trying his best not to let loose the stream of obscenities that he was itching to scream. Lucky for his adamantium skeleton and healing factor…

Kitty, on the other hand, was absolutely frantic and hyperventilating while she kept blabbering and panicking, "Like oh my God! Oh my God! Oh my God, I'm in so much trouble! I ran over Mr. Logan! I ran over Mr. Logan! Like oh my God, I'm going to be in so much trouble!"

Jake, however, was actually smiling with an amused look on his face as he commented, "Eh, it's no big loss. That just means I get his room now along with the rest of his beer in the fridge."

Logan rasped underneath the car, his teeth on the edge, "Half-pint, hairball…kindly remove the front axle from my chest so that I can kill the both of you after I kill Benny."

Scott turned to Kurt with a thoughtful expression on his face as he remarked, "You know, you might be on to something when you mentioned how cats are the animals that meet the highest death-quota in cartoons."

"Told you," Kurt crowed as he turned back to his laptop for the next law.

"Cartoon law number thirty-seven: the villains are always more humiliated than harmed by their failures."

"Boy if that were true, then I'm amazed that Cobra along with Magneto and the Hellions are even able to show their faces in public. I mean, didn't David Letterman make that recent joke on the Tonight Show saying Cobra Commander made number one on his list of 'Top Ten Dumbest Megalomaniacs'?" Scott asked Kurt.

"Actually, he split that title with some other bad-guys named Pinky and the Brain…who they are exactly, I have no idea."

"Benny, for your sake and safety and well-being, this next spell had better turn me back to my human form if you wish to still live!" Xavier was heard shouting in the next room.

"Just hold still…" Benny began uneasily as he waved his wand, praying for luck.

Kurt then finished with the last law with a flourish, "And finally…cartoon law number thirty-eight: the audience's sympathy must always remain for the villains and idiots, but they will always be rooting for the cool and interesting characters. This is why you will never see Elmer Fudd finally shoot Bugs Bunny, why Daffy Duck must always get the short end of the stick, and why Wile E. Coyote will never succeed in catching the Roadrunner."

"Well, **that** one is a good thing should it ever be true," Jean remarked with a small smile.

"Huh?" Scott and Kurt looked at the telekinetic blankly.

Jean then explained, "It's a good thing for the X-Men then if it applies to us. This means that should we ever do succeed in our goal for mutant-human peace, then we'll be the ones liked and praised while the other teams such as Cobra, Magneto and the Acolytes, the Hellfire Club and the Hellions, and the Misfits will never be able to succeed."

"I'm not sure about that, Jean…" Kurt said hesitantly.

Scott, however, shrugged as he said, "Well, she has a point. I mean, no one in their right minds would ever sympathize with the Misfits over the X-Men. What kind of idiot would even like lunatics like them?"

"Well…anyway, this just further proves my point," crowed Kurt proudly, "This just goes to show that these cartoon laws really DO teach some important things that you could use for your next physics class."

"What actually scary is…I can't argue against that," conceded Jean with a grimace before more explosions and shouts rang out through the mansion non-stop, rocking the foundation repeatedly and raising the safety-alert status of their home from "somewhat-controllable mental asylum" to "worrisome pandemonium" to flat-out "Hell has now officially broken loose" in about three and a half-seconds.

Piotr yelled out in warning, "Scott! We've got an emergency…well, **several** emergencies! The stairway is on fire again, and all our pipes are backing up sewage! And comrade Logan is trying to kill Jacob again as well as Ray is trying to get Jamie! Storm destroyed the garden while chasing Forge, and now the roof has several holes in it that are _also_ on fire!"

The X-Men leader sighed as he turned to the teleporter and telekinetic, punching in the codes to the X-Mansion security system to activate the sprinkler systems, "Kurt, Jean…you know the drill."

"Maybe we should rewrite those laws and change them to 'Mutant Physics'," groaned Kurt as he grabbed the first aid kit while Jean grabbed the fire extinguisher from the room, "I mean, heaven only knows how much it would be a hit in the lives of the X-Men!"

Scott rolled his eyes as they dashed out for the fires, "Yeah, and it all boils down to just one law!"

"Which is what, exactly?" yelled Jean as she let loose with the retardant on the flames eating away at the staircases.

"The 'mutant chaos theory': being a mutant in a chaotic system will lead to even **more** warped sense of chaos due to the explosive-effect!"

"Don't you mean the _butterfly-effect_, Scott?" asked Jean before she yelled at Storm, "Ororo, will you quit trying to kill Forge for one minute and help us?"

KABOOM!

"Get back here, Jamie!" Ray snarled as he chased the younger mutant with another glovatrix, firing missiles all the meanwhile. Roberto was now in solar-power mode and chasing _Ray_ while trying to blast the electricity-generating mutant with his sunspot beams-blasts.

"YOU get back here, Ray! Give me back my glovatrix, you jerk!" Roberto yelled angrily during the chase.

_Boom! Bam! Boom! Boom! Bang! **KAWHOOM!**_

"Die, swamp rat, DIE!" Rogue was heard screaming outside.

"You are dead meat, hairball!" roared Logan as Kurt could see Logan trying to grab Jake so that he could throttle him and hack him into itty-bitty pieces, but the kat was gracefully leaping out of Logan's reach via some impressive gymnastic moves while shooting his cement missiles in offense.

"Try and catch me first, **Badger**!" Jake shot back, razzing Wolverine.

"We're gonna need a new couch!" groaned Sam in the background at the cement-covered upholstery.

_Crash! Tinkle, tinkle!_

"And there goes the chandelier…" added Sam with a sigh.

"Come back here, Lockheed, and give me back my drawing pad!" roared Piotr's voice downstairs.

"Woo hoo, woo hoo, woo hoo hoo hoo!" hooted Lockheed in a very surprising and accurate impression of Daffy Duck as he took off in the air and flew through the den, carrying a spiral-bound sketchbook in his claws while Piotr was chasing the baby, winged-lizard with a mop and trying to swat the pet down.

And speaking of Daffy Duck…

"Benny, come back here this instant!" bellowed a tall, skinny, black-feather mallard with an orange beak in the Professor's voice as it chased down a terrified Benny with the Professor's wheelchair and shooting crossbow-missiles at the wizard-assistant with a red, green, and black glovatrix.

_Thwip! Thwip! Thwip!_

_**BANG!**_

"Professor!" protested Jean as he rushed by, "Isn't that **my** glovatrix?"

"Not now, Jean! And Benny, you're despicable!" the duck snapped, spraying spittle everywhere with a telltale lisp.

"Help! Help! Someone help! Your professor's going to kill me!" screamed Benny as the missiles the Professor was shooting tore up the hallway, leading to more cracks and holes.

Scott winced as he clarified, "**Trust me**…I mean the explosive-effect!"

_The End_

**Author's note: This really happened (I'm not kidding). Check out Red Witch's fanfics, "I've Put a Spell On You" and "Another Week of Random Madness" for I will guarantee you'll be on the floor of your computer, laughing up a storm. Check back in TWO weeks when I update on Friday for my NEXT crossover with the Misfit-verse! You're not going to believe who the X-Men and Misfits will meet and have to fight THIS time!**

**Toad: Is there any chance you're not going to torture all of us in this next fanfic?**

**Me: WHAT? And miss out on some more fan-fiction fun?**

**Scott: Personally, if anyone does crossovers with us, it only shows they don't have anything original to write up about and have to use existing material like some hackneyed cut-and-paste plot.**

**Me: WHAT? OK, Goggle-boy, you're asking for it! Trinity, lend me your molecular-combustion cannon for a second!**

**Until two weeks from now, read and review and constructive criticism welcome! And anyone who has a Misfit-fanfic, let me know so I can add it to the Misfit-verse C2 community!**


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